TK: Ok, Randy. We've got to be on the same page here. Coach is a slick-talker and we can't get distracted by his funny stories and his droning on about old generals. Whatever you do, don't get him started down a rabbit trail.
Spetman: Wait. You mean the actual Bobby Bowden is going to be here?! I've never met a celebrity before. I guess there was that one time at Utah State when Rick Majerus came to town. That was huge!!
TK: A fat joke? Really Randy? Sometimes I forget why it was we even hired you. Utah State? What was I thinking?
Spetman: I brought you coffee and doughnuts at my interview and promised to cut your grass every other Thursday.
TK: Nevermind that. Did you bring the contract?
Spetman: Sure did, boss. Printed a copy off the internet just like you said.
TK: Good work Randy. (Secretary buzzes in).
Secretary: Sir, Coach and his agent are here to see you.
TK: Very good. Ok, we're ready. Send them in. (to Randy) Ok, get your game face on. This guy doesn't joke around.
Bobby Bowden: Dadgum it's a long walk over here to Wescott. Hey Thomas, why don't you move your office over to the stadium like me?
TK: Heh. Well coach this is the administration building of the University. From here I can control all the academic operations of the school. If I moved to the stadium, I'd only be able to focus on the athletic department.
Spetman: But sir... you only focus on the ath-
TK: Same page, Randy!! Same page. Sorry coach. Oh I'm afraid I haven't been introduced to your new agent. He does seem familiar...
Bobby Bowden: Sure does. He's the Highway Patrol guy that follows me around every game.
Spetman: Your game day bodyguard is your agent?
TK (under his breath): Randy I told you not to ask questions that let him tell stories.
Bobby Bowden: You know, I've always enjoyed the study of great generals. I believe it was Sun Tsu who first warned about the use of spies. Well, I figured if I could trust this old guy here with my fanny on Friday I could trust him with my money on Monday. This way, there aren't any sneak attacks from those boys down at Flah-dah. I really think we've only been maybe 1 or 2 plays away from beating them for a couple of years. Napoleon says if I close ranks maybe them teams from Flah-dah and Miam-ah won't get the advantage they need for those 2 plays.
TK: Wake up Randy. Well, Coach. That's.... an impressive thought process you've got there. Ok, so are we ready to sign the contract. Obviously, this is the same deal that you had last season and the season before that.
Bobby Bowden: Actually Thomas, my agent and I have been talking things over... and I think I deserve a 3 year deal instead of 1.
TK: Good one, Coach! I can see you've still got that sense of humor to charm the mamas and the papas. Now if you'll sign and date here, and initial here...
Bobby Bowden: No, Thomas. I'm serious. That old fogey Joe Paterno got him a 3 year deal and I want one too. It's like General Patton once said, "Don't let em know where you're weak." It's recruitin season, Thomas. How can I promise those recruits I'll still be around if I only have a one year deal?
Spetman: I thought that was the point. That you wouldn't be around.
Bobby Bowden: What would happen if I weren't here to coach these young fellas up?
TK: Well we've got a pretty substantial contract with Jimbo Fisher to be your replacement. He and the assistants he brought in, Lawrence and Rick, have done a great job with our players in 2 years.
Bobby Bowden: Players? Not those young fellas!! Chuck and Mickey!!! They need me. When I told lil' Chucky that Mickey and I were thinking about retirement he just cried and cried and cried. Said something about me being his "meal-ticket." Whatever that means.
TK: Ok, how about this? We can give you 3.5 million dollars to retire. That would be plenty of money to set you up and let you give a little to Mickey and Chuck under the table.
Bobby Bowden: 3.5 million?!! That'll barely cover Chuck's glasses and shoes expenses. Tell you what, make it 5 and I'll be out of here.
TK: You've got a deal.
Bobby Bowden: But I can't do it right now. I have to put up appearances for Chuck and Mickey. Make it look like I've still got the old fire. Let's let this thing drag out for a couple of weeks, I'll pretend to be fighting to stay Head Coach, and they'll be so proud of their General fighting the good fight. You know, Sun Tsu said it himself, "Never will those who wage war tire of deception." After a little while, I'll give in because I'm tired or something, you can cut me a check, and we'll all ride off into the sunset.
TK: Sounds perfect. We'll just have to wait this out a bit. I'll leak this meeting to a Nole website. Maybe one of the newer ones so it flies under the radar a little bit. Besides, those guys at Warchant banned me. Anything else we can do for you?
Bobby Bowden: Well, can we name it Bobby Bowden University at Florida State?
Bobby Bowden: Worth a shot. Later on Thomas. Bye Randy.
*leaves... agent in tow*
Spetman: Well, that seemed to go well. I'm kind of getting the hang of this AD at a big school thing. I think I'll go sign Leonard Hamilton to a 10 year contract extension.
TK: ... Somebody's getting a little too big for his britches again.