Ok, it's a bit of a misleading title (sorry, SBnation overlords) as 2 of the 3 scheduled games this weekend were rained out in Virginia. The game Friday night was so disgusting that neither pbysh nor myself really felt like actually posting a review.
Trying to go back over the results of that game was like watching a hamster eat its own baby. Hmm... too much?
Ok, how about this one: Trying to go back over the results of that game was like watching Jon Scheyer cry at the end of Old Yeller.
Anyway, if you want some real analysis check out this awesome Fanpost from evenflow. If you want to be cheered up about baseball, follow the jump!
Who's on first? (via Swancourt)
Wasn't that fun?!! See, baseball really can be entertaining.
I thought maybe we'd create a list of things Mike Martin could do to try to improve our team this year. I'm open to other suggestions.
- Trade Geoff Parker and John Gast for a box of balls, three TPX bats, and a copy of Tom Emanski's Defensive Drills video. I would also accept selling them for scrap parts and gas money.
- Offer a live chicken and a Circle K hot dog as a burnt-offering to the ghost of Babe Ruth. Sprinkle the ashes on Stuart Tapley's bat.
- Repeatedly force Jason Stidham to slip on stray baseballs. Eventually he HAS to get the same injury as the kid from Rookie of the Year, right? Come to think of it, I wonder if Henry Rowengartner has any elligibility left. Shoot, I'd take Chet Steadman at this point.
- While we're on the movie theme, I say we also give immediate scholarships to Nuke LaLoosh, Pedro Cerrano, and Ray Liotta's ghost.
- Teach Tyler Holt to chew his gum like Otis Nixon. It probably won't make us any better, but we'll be a heck of a lot more fun to watch.
- All players will have their intro music switched to the soundtrack to Mama Mia! until they have proved themselves worthy of real music. Whenever Jimmy Marshall is called on to pitch his seventh game in 6 days (which with this coaching staff, he inevitably will be), the only song that can be played is "Take a Chance On Me."
- The chain link portion of the fence in right field will be adjusted to a 45-degree angle hanging over the right fielder's head in the bottom half of each inning at Dick Howser. Hopefully any and all fly balls to right will be collected by the new feature.
- The winner of the dizzy bat race each night will be penciled in to the starting lineup the following evening.
And the best way to improve this baseball season...
- Vacate the entire year and forget it ever happened.