[Editor's Note: This letter is intended to be funny and is not serious. Except that obviously we never advocate anyone being kicked in the testicles.]
Dear Coach Viloria,
I am writing you to discuss the safety of one of the most important assets on the 2010 Florida State Football Team. That asset is kicker Dustin Hopkins
You may not be aware of this, but Dustin Hopkins first career field goal was a 52 yard attempt, in his very first college game, against Miami. Hopkins made that kick, and also converted on a 45 yard attempt. While FSU lost that game on a last second drop by Jarmon Fortson, most Seminole fans left that game confident they had a special kicker on their hands who would go on to be a star.
Fast forward to November 13, 2010. Despite missing two critical kicks in the North Carolina game the prior week, Head Coach Jimbo Fisher never lost confidence in Dustin Hopkins. That confidence was justified, as Hopkins converted on all 3 field goal attempts against Clemson, including a historic 55 yard walk off field goal.
As a man who values physical contact and aggression, you'd probably agree that there are two positions in sports which seem to attract a certain brand of oddball. Hockey goalie and field goal kicker. For whatever reason, these positions seem to have more than their fair share of guys who, for lack of a more precise way to explain it, are just plain weird. Perhaps it takes a certain kind of mental makeup (headcase) to decide that you'd rather stick your body in front of a 100 mph slapshot rather than shoot one off your own stick, or that you'd like to play football while avoiding as much physical contact as possible.
While Hopkins doesn't appear to suffer from these personality deficiencies, he does have at least one problem, which if left unchecked, might cause of a serious problem for the Seminole offense.
Here at Tomahawk Nation, we've highlighted the impressive size gains made under your watchful eye.
Beyond hard gains facilitated by the implementation of the Hatch System, it appears you have already developed quite the rapport with your players. As confirmed in the video below, Dustin Hopkins has been known to get pumped up by asking you to smack him around a bit.
FSU player Dustin Hopkins gets slapped (via xfycnxwarrior)
Coach, I'm writing to remind you that the internet never forgets. After the jump, feel free to watch the video and refresh your recollection.
As promised, here is a link to the video:
I've watched this video at least four times (three of which were to confirm that it was you in the video), and my junk still hurts vicariously. Despite the acting job done by the meth-fueled karate guys, it is pretty apparent that you can hit people really freaking hard.
So please Coach Viloria, no matter what Dustin asks you to do, it is not okay to blindfold him and punch him in the face. Nor is it okay to let Punter Sean Powell kick Dustin in the groin. To the best of my knowledge, Dustin is not a karate master, and Florida State would be at a significant disadvantage for the remainder of the season were he to be lost to a motivational accident.
Very Truly Yours,
PS- Trading in the red pants for your signature black t-shirt/towel was an excellent decision.