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ZEKE PIKE CHOOSES AUBURN UNIVERSITY. God is the best recruiter in the world, since something like...

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ZEKE PIKE CHOOSES AUBURN UNIVERSITY. God is the best recruiter in the world, since something like God (or a "God thing", which is like a really divine piece of furniture or bus stop or something) told the Kentucky junior quarterback that his blue chip self to go to Auburn. He also chose words poorly given recent alleged events that no one has proven, Pawl. NO ONE. "I feel like a million bucks," Pike said. "I am so happy and it's such a big relief." Avoid all cash similes when discussing Auburn, young man. First of all they are very generous people who showed up like gangbusters for the EDSBS Charity Drive, and for that we are feeling huggy. Unfortunately we hug while holding sharpened scissors WE'RE SORRY IT'S JUST LIKE BREATHING AT THIS POINT-- (via EDSBS)
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