FanPost

I've been going back and forth with my UM fan friend this week, and I thought I'd share one of my troll posts

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via www.barbara-scheer.com




With apologies to Spencer Hall, and a nod to my friends Alex and Jay, I give you the Miami Week Post of the Day: Being Sebastian Ibis

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2 Accent 6" /> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6" /> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6" /> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6" /> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 6" /> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6" /> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 6" /> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6" /> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Emphasis" /> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Emphasis" /> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Reference" /> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Reference" /> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" SemiHidden="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title" /> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" Name="Bibliography" /> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading" /> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-qformat:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:0in; mso-para-margin-right:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:10.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0in; line-height:115%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;} </style> <![endif]-->*Sebastian the Ibis is about to storm into battle with Miami - destruction lay behind and before them. In that moment, he ponders where he fits into this twisted scene*

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The fog of war is heavy here. But the turf feels right under my large orange feet. We’re home for this one… if you can call it “home”. The Orange Bowl was home. Our enemies were entering Hell’s gate there – NO Sebastian- you can’t let your mind wander to those days, it only leads to the nightmares… Hundreds of Virginia fans. A storm of mid-sized SUVs. Neatly pressed Khaki slacks. The scent of Trader Joe’s cheese platters and chardonnay was heavy in the air. I still can’t look at a LL Bean jacket… BRING YOURSELF BACK DAMMIT! Your men need you, Sebastian! They need their Captain.

They’re so young. Boys really. The Gator armies, hoards of Mountaineers, even the bands of Buckeyes passed them by. But you know these boys have a desire. They grew up in Miami, they know struggle… yet so fragile. Sergeant Morris fell valiantly to the Tar Heel forces. Even that new standout PFC Duke Johnson is feeling the wrath of war. They try, but you know they need leadership! Major Golden has done his best, squat-pressing foes with the veracity of an Armenian wrestler. But they noticed when Golden was sucker punched by the ancient Bill Snyder after we fell for his walker and oxygen tank rouse. We felt the sting of the Irishmen, long thought to be irreparably softened by reign of the Elastic-Waistband King Weis.

If only Commander-in-chief Shalalalalala would step down from her ivory tower and realize the U needs structure! So many curtain-climbing politicians enter our ranks and leave I don’t bother to learn their names. Where are the days of General Schnelly? General Johnson? We need someone fighting for us in the administration! ... God rest the souls of Dear Directors Dee and Jankovich… When ill-equipped lieutenants like Randy Shannon started leading us, I knew things were grim.

Remember the great warriors of days gone by, Sebastian. What would Ray say? How would Michael and Warren encourage their fellow soldiers? If only I had one of them with me now… Seantrell and Vaughn can barely remember which way to point the gun.

I can see the gold of their helmets gleaming in the sun now. I’ve heard the rumors of the foreign mercenaries they’ve picked up. General Fisher’s reach has made it across the seas. I know the Wolfpack ambushed them, they’re going to be enraged, alert. And here I am, a jester in knight’s armor. Those bastard bureaucrats even took my pipe from me! MY PIPE! IF IM TO CHARGE FORTH INTO CHAOS’S OPEN MOUTH I SHOULD BE ABLE TO HAVE A SMOKE—calm down, Sebastian—If Puddles, a mere duck, can lead his dystopian cavalry to widespread acclaim on the ESPN propaganda machine, then you can do more. You’re an Ibis, the last bird to leave before the storm. You’re steadfast. Comrade Corso will be dancing with you on the stage of victory! Who needs push-ups anyways!? Now go forth, return victorious to your people!!... just hope someone shows up, I know UltraFest is just around the corner…

*Sebastian plunges through the smoke and into battle. The line collapses quickly, but the ferocious Ibis toils on...an exercise in futility… The few Miami faithful turn away from the ignominious state of their program, after all, rumor has it Pitbull is making an appearance at LIV tonight*
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