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The K-Man Crow’s Nest: Wide Richt

Unconquered...and unverified. You’re in the Nest.

By The K-Man

I promise we’ll take a deep look at next week’s matchup vs. Wake Forest, but let’s spend a couple of minutes talking about the big rivalry win against the ‘Canes.

  • The failed 2-point conversion.
  • Wide Right 1.
  • Wide Right 2.
  • Wide Right 3.
  • The Block at the Rock.

What do they all have in common? That’s Richt, you guessed it. To quote my friend Homer J, “He’s the suckiest suck who ever sucked.” Demarco(sic) Walker didn’t block that kick, it was Mark Richt’s conscience, if he had one. Josh Harvey-Clemons didn’t tip that pass to Ricardo Louis, it was Mark Richt’s career personified: Giving things away.

The joyous post-victory walk down Sun Life Rock Hard Stadium’s spiral ramps felt great. 16 years ago, the walk felt like a turd whirling down the toilet bowl. Because that’s what Mark Richt does: he flushes things away. Guess what, Miami? He’s yours now.

Noticed on DVR that Kirk & Fowler kept referring to the plastic and aluminum bottle projectiles as “debris.”

Chris: “Debris is FLYING into the endzones and out of the upper decks”

Hot dog wrappers fly around. Construction debris flies around in a strong breeze.

Bottle projectiles don’t fly, they are thrown by spineless heathens.

Kirk: “Miami players are really frustrated with their fans”

Why is that? Their loogies aren’t thick enough? Some UM fans only flipping a single bird?

Jimbo: How is that not a 15 yard penalty?!
Ref: Because I love my wife & children.

Remember when Nigel Bradham was ejected for “launching” at end of the 2011 FSU-Miami game? When his feet never left the ground? Doak became the most irrationally angry crowd in stadium history for a couple minutes. How bad was it? Several dozen Seminole fans actually threw fits.

Unlike Saturday’s “debris”, no 2011 Fits landed within 5 feet of the ACC officials or FSU bench.

Questionable targeting call...losing one of your key defensive backs for the remainder of game...giving the FSU offense a free set of downs. This perfect storm of frustration led ‘Canes fans to behave in previously unthinkable ways.

Oh, wait. Nope. They threw a water bottle at Kermit Whitfield after his TD earlier.

The only funny moment from Miami’s “Debris” tantrum is seen upon further review.

If you’ve already thrown your Corona, the lime becomes worthless. THROW THAT, TOO!

I’m so tired of Memes. Unless they’re good.

To prepare for the hostile & newly redesigned Hard Rock Stadium, FSU brought in special audio equipment to perfectly simulate the extreme sound environment of Miami and its scoundrels fans.

When Rick Trickett blushes, you know it’s Miami Week

His targeting hit was under review for 2.7 seconds.

If he could only win over the Refs’ hearts...

KAAYA WITH ALL HIS TEETH: 16 for 23, 168 yards

KAAYA MINUS ONE TOOTH: 3 for 9, 46 yards

This is the part where we feel guilty about the unfair advantage gained after Mythew Thomas’ illegal hit.

Oh, wait. Nope. Deondre Francois was pummeled with a Ric Flair Sleeper/Suplex combo...

Then later, #31 took 3 steps after the pass and forearmed Francois’ face to complete the 1970s Pittsburgh Hi-Lo. Enjoy your smoothies this week, Brad.

We’ll spend 3 minutes reviewing which of Keith Gavin or Mavin Saunders took their own helmet off. Let’s not bother with these involuntarily helmet removals.

Not only was there a traditional sports arena “Kiss Cam”, but Hard Rock Stadium did a fun little twist with a “Kids Cam.” Random 4-8 year old children dancing to music during a 4th quarter timeout. Which song? Not Bruno Mars. Not “The Hokey Pokey.” From my grandpa soapbox, I noticed the kids going crazy for Ghost Town DJ’s 1996 hit, “My Boo.” The lyrics include:

But if you can please me

Then my love will come easy

I'll do anything you want

Freak me boy

Well, it says “boy.” and not “grown up man.” Clearly a children’s song.

Miami kids dance to the darndest things.

I promised to talk about our upcoming opponent, a 4-1 Wake Forest squad heading to Tallahassee on October 15th with dreams of an upset. Being honest, there’s not enough hate left in my heart to discuss them. But the Demon Deacons DID win last week’s poll for most terrifying mascot to cause a game cancellation. So there’s that.

Wow. This week’s Nest is particularly bitter, cynical, and vindictive. Lest the author forgets that:

A) Deondre Francois showed courage overcoming injury & willing his team to victory.

2) Dalvin Cook killed the Canes again, and is on a historic 1700/700 rush/receiving pace.

and D) Charles Kelly’s defense showed great signs of life and no loafs.

Is the best FSU story of the week listed amongst the 3 items above?

NOPE.

Or, if you prefer YouTube:

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-The K-Man

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