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The K-Man Crow’s Nest: Hurricane Warning, Literally

Unconquered...and unverified. You’re in the Nest.

By The K-Man

Editor’s Note: The Crow’s Nest was swaying in the breeze and delayed due to grave weather concerns this week. If you’d like to avoid the horror of last Saturday’s 37-35 defeat, skip halfway through the article.

So we didn’t win last week. But we were SO close to glory!

After Deondre Francois’ Houdini TD with 23 ticks left, Charles Kelly’s defense had to make sure Trubisky’s Heels didn’t run right down the field into 3-point range. And they did NOT run right down the field.

It took them 19 seconds to travel 41 yards yards, including the incompletion. That’s 6.47 feet/second, or 4.41 mph. And according the Marriott treadmills I’ve frequented, 4.41 mph is merely a "light jog". NOT a run. Mission Accomplished.

The FSU offense scored touchdowns (TOUCHDOWNS) on 5 of their last 6 possessions. Too bad Possession #2 of 6 was before the half with "only" 67 seconds to operate with. If you jogged at 4.41 mph for 67 seconds....you’d pick up 144 yards of offense. (Feel free to click off this article at any time)

The Wide Left kick would’ve be SOOOOO blocked.

Had UNC right where we wanted them: The plan for Wally Aime to block 2 kicks in 2 minutes was going so well.

I miss the good ol’ days where BJ Ward could block field goals with his larynx.

I haven’t given up hope on this defense yet. We play to the "echo of the whistle".

Unfortunately, every 5th whistle signals an opponent touchdown, but that still counts in echo-playing mentality!

Oh, boy. Here we go.

Another week, another exhilarating behind-the-scenes look at all your dreams crumbling in 30 minutes. For only $11.99/month, you can watch a clenched-fist travel towards your helpless stomach in slow mo. As fans, it’s our way of doing Stadiums 72 hours after each poor performance.

Jimbo is a good coach, Deondre is a great kid with a charming family. Too bad post-loss the episodes aren’t 28 minutes.

A humanizing moment where starstruck classmate asks Deondre Francois to autograph a football for her relative.*
*Not shown: Mark Schlabach follows young woman to her car and offers money for an Everlasting Gobstopper and dirt on Deondre.

With FSU’s hopes for an ACC title in Charlotte Orlando dashed, many say there’s little left to play for. Au contraire, my friends. There’s been a gridiron vendetta on UM’s new head coach Mark Richt for almost 16 years. Every since Mr. Foot-Out-The-Door’s offense couldn’t score a single point with Chris Weinke, Anquan Boldin, and Travis Minor.

"Musa, that is a hilarious story about your teacher! But hold that thought, I’ve gotta another 3rd & long play to send in..."

If we can’t outscore the Canes on Saturday, and Jimbo didn’t call at least 3 Flea Flickers & Statue of Liberties, then Fisher doesn’t understand that overwhelming bitter taste in our mouths each time we’re tortuously walking up the spiral ramps of Joe Robbie-ProPlayer-LandShark-Sun Life Hard Rock Stadium.

A quick shot at redemption 14 years ago was wasted in the Superdome vs. his Bulldogs.

It’s 2016, and we lost our chance to beat Mark Richt in his Professor Fink look days.

Hurricane Matthew reached Category 4 status off the coast of Florida, and sent millions packing to safer ground. Quite ironic when your opponent’s mascot nearly forces both teams to abort the game.

Despite the statewide cancellation of all other contests, the Canes & Noles are set to kickoff at 8pm as scheduled.

Governor Scott saw Matthew moving slowly towards the edge, and took urgent action to protect many Floridians.

Save yourselves.

-The K-Man

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