The K-Man Crow’s Nest: Ole Miss Week

Greetings, ‘Nole fans. Every Wednesday we’ll take a bird’s eye, panoramic look at the Florida State football nation. This week, we wrap up a promising offseason and look forward to an SEC showdown in O-Town.

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Tune in this and every Wednesday night to the Jimbo Fisher Call In Show at 7pm.

What do you want to learn?

1) How many fingers would Sean Maguire need to lose to gangrene before he’s demoted to the third scholarship QB on your depth chart?

2) Jimbo, a lot of people have compared this team to the 2013 team: talented redshirt-freshman quarterback, exceptional athletes all across the defense, prime time Monday night game to start the season...Have you punched any of those people in the face yet?

3) What’s in Gene’s cup right now?

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Each week we’ll check in with our good friend Dan Kendra for his hot take on all things FSU. This week, we asked about Sean Maguire’s remarkable turnaround time, as he’s dressed and practicing a mere 11 days after surgery to repair his broken right foot.

DK: I HEARD ABOUT THIS SEAN KID. WHAT’S THE DEAL? WHEN I PLAYED BALL, HEALING WAS A SIMPLE FORMULA: 1 WEEK PER 1 BROKEN BONE. WHAT WAS HE DOING LAST MONDAY? IF HE WASN’T AT THE CLOSEST GENERAL NUTRITION CENTER LOADING UP ON RECOVERY STACKS, THEN NO EXCUSE. MAKE HIM RUN STADIUMS UNTIL THE LIMP GOES AWAY.

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So much going on with this team and this school. How does everyone feel?

FANTASTIC: The New Champions Club at Doak S. Campbell Stadium

Wow! What a southern beauty. The spears, the canopies, the glass, the colors. The architects and powers-that-be hit a home run with this ambitious project. Granted, I won’t be sitting in these faraway seats, but it’s mighty fun to look at. Our spears have lacked in spirit long enough. The posh new adult playground in Doak is FANTASTIC.

DISASTER: Season-Ticket Mailing Woes Return

Once again, Seminole fans will receive their season tickets well after most major programs. An issue with third-party printing vendor is allegedly to blame, as customers’ packages began to finally trickle in this week, less than two weeks ahead of the Doak opener on September 10th. This hiccup is DISASTROUS news for many loyal high-level boosters, as their plans to immediately resell all tickets on the secondary market have been disrupted.

What Difference Does It Make?!: The BACK of the new Jimbotron.

There’s been lots of groaning over the graphics choice on the BACK of the spectacularly-scaled new video board in the south end zone. It’s a 7,000 square-foot version of the Princess and the Pea. Maybe you won’t redo your kitchen with “Jimbo kissing crystal ball” wallpaper, but it’s glorious during a 35-mph offseason drive-by.

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You’ve seen smoke signals in the distance. The stars twinkle upon mere mention of his name. Is he real? Let’s gather ‘round the campfire and listen to the Mythew whispers.

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Showtime’s A Season With: Movers & Shakers

We’re six days away from the cinematic debut of Showtime’s behind-the-scenes expose of Jimbo Fisher’s previously lock-and-key football kingdom. Who will stand out? What alliances will form? Make sure to subscribe before next Tuesday, or as it shall be remembered, “National Schadenfreude Day.”

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The Pride of Jacksonville. From humble roots to Super Bowl Champion Packer, four-time Pro Bowler Leroy Butler wasn’t even expected to walk normally as a child, much less become one of the most accomplished former ‘Noles in the NFL. The versatile defensive back cemented his legacy during the famous “Puntrooskie” vs. Clemson in 1988.

In 1993, Butler was credited with inventing the “Lambeau Leap” following a scoop-n-score vs. the visiting Raiders. It was a memorable leap, sorta like the leap rental car companies take classifying a Toyota Corolla as a “Midsize Vehicle,” despite the fact that the roomier Camry is known as a midsize the world over. A funny trick they pull off, blatantly misleading millions of customers without conscience. “Of course a midsize is plenty big, honey. It’s just us, a few suitcases and the dog carriers. We’ll probably get an Altima at worst.” Flash forward to your third-world subcompact road trip. Good luck screaming at the credit card booking agent, since he’s fast asleep about 14 times zones ahead. But when you put all your eggs in one loyalty program basket, that’s the price you pay (with points). Are the points worth the headaches? I can tell you that Leroy Butler’s backfield didn’t give up too many points. Leroy Butler....a Bonafide Seminole Legend.

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Ole Miss Alumnus Edition

Bestselling American author John Grisham graduated from the University of Mississippi law school in 1981. Famous for his iconic novels such as The Pelican Brief, A Time to Kill, and The Firm, Grisham’s young legal mind was sculpted on the sweltering Oxford campus. Violence, betrayal, power, moral ambiguity, strange men in trench coats. All hallmarks of Grisham’s work.

This may explain some Ole Miss fans you encounter in Orlando next weekend. In particular, the ones who manage to deny their football program’s dirty reputation as they pay $10,000/year for booster dues and drive a leased minivan well over the mileage limits, while cheering for 19-year old Criminology majors who own loaded Denali’s with clean titles.

Happy football season, friends. I’ll see you next week in the Nest.

-K-Man