FSU football opponent recap: Week One

Welcome to our 2017 opponent recap series, in which we examine how Florida State’s opponents fared the previous week, mostly, but also discuss important topics like Eric Dungey having a death wish and Delaware State’s kicker. And that, my friends, is called a lede.

Alabama - Won 24-7 vs. Florida State. The Tide were the beneficiaries of some uninspiring special teams play from the guys in gold helmets. It’s unwise to give the team with the best talent and best coach gifts, in my opinion.

ULM - Lost 37-29 at Memphis. The Warhawks went down 30-7 to the Tigers on Thursday night and almost finished off a furious comeback. ULM was very bad last year, but Memphis is a pretty solid team. Maybe the Warhawks have improved.

Miami - Won 41-13 vs. Bethune Cookman. Mark Walton had a good day and ’Canes fans appear to be pleased with Malik Rosier’s debut. Miami goes to the tree stand in Jonesboro, Arkansas next week. That’s not a joke.

NC State - Lost 35-28 vs. South Carolina. Filed under: HOW? BTP described the performance as NC State repeatedly setting itself on fire. The Gamecocks took the opening kick back for a touchdown and the Wolfpack fumbled a punt. NC State doubled South Carolina’s total yardage, possessed the ball 13 minutes longer than USCe, and held the Cocks to 1.5 yards per carry. And lost. Actually, I’m going to have to watch this myself because I don’t believe it happened. Will report back.

Wake Forest - Won 51-7 vs. Presbyterian. The Demon Deacs dominated the Blue Hose on Thursday night in Winston-Salem. The offense was efficient under both John Walford and Kendall Hinton. Presbyterian is not a particularly good FCS team, but their nickname is the Blue Hose and that has to count for something.

Duke - Won 60-7 vs. North Carolina Central. The Blue Devils put this one away early, riding Daniel Jones’s 19-25, 213-yard, 2-TD performance to smoke NC Central, a perennial MEAC favorite. Duke hosts Darren Rovell and Northwestern next week.

Louisville - Won 35-28 vs. Purdue. The Boilermakers came out throwing hammers in Jeff Brohm’s first game at the helm. It’s weird to think of Purdue football as being fun, but here we are. Fun as they may be, they still don’t quite have the talent to deal with the reigning Heisman winner and Bobby Petrino just yet, as the Cardinals came back from a fourth quarter deficit to beat the Boilers in Indianapolis (which, why?). Jackson threw for 378 and ran for over 100, so yeah he’s still good. The Cardinals go to North Carolina next week and then host Clemson, so they’d better figure out what went wrong on defense pretty quickly.

Boston College - Won 23-20 at Northern Illinois. The Eagles won their opener in DeKalb after the Huskies doinked a last-second field goal attempt. I’m not sure why BC decided to schedule this game. It was not pretty, but very little about BC football ever is. Addazio’s dudes host Wake Forest in Week Two.

Syracuse - Won 50-7 vs. Central Connecticut State. The Orange cruised by Central Connecticut State, which is a school, I guess? Eric Dungey is back for another season at the helm of the Orange offense and I’m sure he’s reformed his kamikaze ways after last season. What’s that? He absolutely has not and somersaulted over a CCSU defender in this game for some reason? Well, okay then.

Clemson - Won 56-3 vs. Kent State. It was a pretty routine opener for the Tigers, as Kelly Bryant took the reins and turned in a solid debut performance. The Golden Flashes were unable to mount much of an attack against Skeletor and the Clemson defense. Clemson hosts Auburn next week, which will be fun and informative. That game will take place at night, along with Oklahoma at Ohio State and Stanford at USC. This sport is so stupid sometimes (most of the time).

Delaware State - Lost 22-3 at Delaware. My new favorite team on this schedule, the Delaware State Hornets, lost a hard-fought battle to their hated rivals, the Delaware Fightin’ Blue Hens, to open the season. The Hornets have not yet beaten the Hens in the rivalry’s 10-year history. Their kicker’s name is Wisdom Nzidee. WISDOM NZIDEE. If you’re thinking well, if the Hornets can only manage 3 against Delaware, they may be in for a long afternoon in Tallahassee, you may be underestimating true freshman quarter back Jack McDaniels who, according to DSU’s coach, showed lots of poise. The Hornets also have to play West Virginia this year. I will keep you updated on this team whether you like it or not.

Florida - Lost 33-17 vs. Michigan. Wilton Speight was Florida’s best quarterback on the day, throwing the only two touchdowns they scored. He plays for Michigan. Feleipe Franks was not great, Bob, and was pulled for Malik Zaire who likewise, was not great. At least the Gators had enough non-suspended players to field a team?

Also, this is just mind-blowing: