First thing first, everybody who fell in Hurricane Michael’s path, I hope that you made it through everything okay and prayers up over the next week or so. I know how bad things can get because of storms, and I especially know how bad the aftermath can be.
chef boyardee by candlelight, like the pilgrims used to pic.twitter.com/JXVucEkEmw— Perry Kostidakis (@perrykos) September 11, 2017
I was going to make this column into a rambling sack of mess because of the fact that all three of Florida State’s rivals had pretty successful weeks, while Florida State had a really bad one, courtesy of one of its rivals, rendering laughing at them a relatively moot task.
But what works best after a bad couple of days is laughs, especially those born out of idiocy and at inappropriate moments, so let’s rally together, pull ourselves up by our bootstraps, and get this column out of the way as quickly as possible so you all can go spend your time consuming content that’s actually funny.
Remember when Clemson almost lost to Syracuse? Well, the same thing happened vs. Wake Forest, expect by “almost lost,” I mean “won,” and by “won,” I mean, “won handily by 60 points, nearly tripling Wake’s offensive output.”
The Tigers moved on from a drama-filled week, finally letting the ACC’s newest shiny prize, Trevor Lawrence, the human rendering of Sid from Ice Age, get full game action, for like, two and a half quarters of play. Lawrence, lovechild of Olmec from hit 90s show Legends of the Hidden Temple, actually barely got a chance to show out, seeing as Clemson put up a hilarious 471 yards of rushing against Wake. Three different back went over 100 yards, and you would’ve thought this was a dang Georgia Tech game. In fact, the wunderkind was the only Clemson quarterback to not register a 100 percent competition rate that day (he went 20-25) so, really, are we crowning him too early?
The Tigers are on a bye, but what may very well be Clemson’s toughest game comes next week against undefeated NC State. The Wolfpack took Clemson down to the wire last season, and while we don’t know exactly how good they are due to the canceled game vs. West Virginia, it’s a safe bet that Ryan Finley will do Ryan Finley things and make things exciting. If that’ll add up to a loss is to be seen, but with how the national picture is shaping up, it looks like playoff spots will come at a premium this season. Could Clemson afford a slip-up? As much as I can afford to keep eating Cookout twice a week and still live past my 30s, which is to say: barely.
After spending way too long conforming this clip to 3d planes, I've come to the conclusion that we all knew already. @theACC is gutter trash at officiating our games. @primediscussion @bctornado9 @stateoffl pic.twitter.com/4FMl0r7UCU— Cinefunk (@CinefunkMedia) October 7, 2018
*Forest Gump voice* And that’s all I’ve got to say about that.
Miami plays Virginia this weekend at 7 p.m. on ESPN2, with a spread of 6.5 in Miami’s favor.
Remember last week we were going to either laugh at Florida getting embarrassed by a talented team or dismissing their win as one over a team that had been prematurely ordained? Well, we’ve got our spin angle now!
The trilogy of super-close-but-offensive-to-the-sport-of-football LSU-Florida games that have come about since Ed Orgeron took the reins in Baton Rouge provided a thrilling (in the sense that cavity fillings are thrilling) third chapter last week, ending in a decently comfortable Florida victory. Feleipe “Wait, This Ball Is Supposed to Be Thrown and Caught Every Single Time? Really?” Franks was serviceable in the dub, but with back-to-back weeks featuring halfback passes, it’s become apparent that the Gators can’t win a game against a talented opponent without a trick play.
So at least Florida State won’t have to worry about dealing with one when the two face off in November.
Florida takes on Vanderbilt on Saturday at 12 p.m., with the game set to be broadcast on ESPN. The spread currently sits at 7, in Florida’s favor.
Questions? Comments? Trash talk? Leave ‘em below, and I’ll see y’all at the same time next week.