It’s officially chaos season. There’s no use in pretending that a rooting guide might justify a path for FSU eeking out a shot to win the Atlantic Division. There’s no words I can put in this article that will help what is likely a borderline .500 team make a “better” bowl game. If your offense finishes with negative total yards against Clemson, does it really matter if division rival Louisville beat Virginia to help your strength of schedule? I say nay. Let’s not get caught up in the weeds. Let’s not get downtrodden. It is too early in the season and college football is too important for that. Let’s show some patience and support for Coach Taggart, let’s enjoy watching the Seminoles (hopefully) improve week to week, and let’s never allow Miami Hurricane fans to forget that they’re playing a football game this week AT a MAC school.
Yes, the Miami Hurricanes are taking their talents to Ohio in a huge matchup against MAC power Toledo (Noon, ESPN2). Don’t be fooled by what appears to be my blatant sense of sarcasm, this is a matchup of colossal titans battling for victory in a game of the century.
For all twelve of those Miami fans who don’t permanently reside on the internet, we’re going to help you out in planning your travel. For a game this big—a matchup this iconic—a road game this important—we’re going to make sure you properly take in every minute of the beauty that Toledo, Ohio offers.
Toledo, Ohio is located in northwestern Ohio and features a population of 276,000 people. Often confused with Akron by people who have no desire to visit decaying manufacturing towns in flyover country, Toledo is the fourth largest city in Ohio by population. Reachable by air through the Toledo Express Airport via Allegiant Air or American Eagle only, Toledo is ranked as the 89th most dangerous city in America. It is home to the Toledo Mud Hens, AAA affiliate of the Detroit Tigers. The Harbaugh family is originally from Toledo, so I can only deduce that everyone from Toledo eats their own boogers.
The University of Toledo
The University of Toledo opened its doors in 1872 and is currently home to 18,000+ undergrads. The Toledo Rockets football program, being the perennial powerhouse that it is, began playing in 1917 and has finished ranked in the AP poll four times since polling began in 1936, but never higher than 12th (1970). Toledo has a 10-7 bowl record overall. They play in the Glass Bowl, a stadium presumably made out of glass (don’t fact check that) and holds a capacity of 26,248, which is roughly 25,248 more than the average home attendance for the Hurricanes (again, don’t fact check me). The Rockets play in the Mid-American Conference and are the defending 2017 MAC champions. Their primary rival is the Bowling Green Falcons.
Toledo Amenities According to Trip Advisor
Trip Advisor indicates that the two best hotels in Toledo are a Holiday Inn Express and a Hampton Inn and Suites. You’re welcome.
For food options, you know Toledo offers a wide variety of quality cuisine when Texas Roadhouse is ranked the 14th best restaurant in the city. The Toledo Museum of Art apparently has a cafe, which is ranked 12th. No worries about attending Miami fans attending museums, as most cannot read and have no interest in attaining knowledge. The Toledo Chick-Fil-A is ranked 20th. I personally love Chick-Fil-A, but when a fast food chain cracks the top two dozen restaurants in a town, that should immediately raise a red flag. Having visited Toledo approximately zero times in my life, I would recommend “The Real Seafood Company” because (1) when I think of seafood, I think northwestern Ohio, and (2) nothing makes me question the quality or source of seafood less than a restaurant that has to convince us that the seafood it serves is in fact real in its name and on its marquee.
Finally, after watching the once-mighty Miami Hurricanes fall to the Toledo Rockets in Toledo, Ohio, the dozen Miami fans in attendance will need somewhere to wash down their sorrows. Surprisingly, Toledo has a few craft breweries listed on Trip Advisor that may be worth exploring. Unfortunately for Miami fans, none of them feature vodka-tonics, and it is doubtful that they play the latest musical stylings of Pitbull.
My personal recommendation for things to do: NEVER EVER LET ANY MIAMI FAN FORGET THAT IN 2018, THEIR HURRICANES PLAYED A FOOTBALL GAME IN TOLEDO, OHIO AGAINST A MAC SCHOOL.
GO ROCKETS. #FMFFM
**Legal disclaimer: This article is satire and is not intended to libel the good people of Lucas County, Ohio. This article is intended to libel the University of Miami, a feat that is very easy to accomplish. Please note that truth is an absolute defense to any defamation claim.