Well well well! And we’re back!
We missed last week due to
me falling asleep and forgetting to write a gesture of respect following an embarrassing loss to Syracuse. I was extremely tired and fell gently asleep to the sounds of “Beat Bobby Flay” figured being humble was the smartest move in the wake of taking such a magnificent L, and had a very deep and restful slumber thanks to Natural Gummies brand melatonin gummies thought that a week off would give us all the necessary time to reflect.
really do not get paid at all so whatever sincerely apologize for letting down everybody, and promise it’ll probably happen in two weeks won’t happen again.
The Tigers won their game or something last week, but who cares! The big news out of whatever town Clemson is located in is that Kelly Bryant, the quarterback equivalent of frozen yogurt, is leaving on a jet plane and definitely not coming back again.
The transfer some saw coming comes in the wake of the decision that everybody saw coming. Trevor Lawrence, a human being that somehow looks like a PS2 character, earned the starting nod from Scooby Dabo Doo after being better than Bryant through each of Clemson’s four games, which, well, duh.
The Tigers like to envision themselves as the ACC’s answer to Alabama, and jealous of the Tide’s method of forcing out an incumbent starter for a promising freshman, they had to make a move, and they did it bigger. Last time I checked, Jalen Hurts is still on Alabama’s roster. Is this the end of the Saban dynasty?
Lawerence, whose father was one of the Easter Island heads, will get his first test against Syracuse, a terrifying team that’s super understandable to lose to like, not even a concern whatsoever. Clemson actually did lose to the Orange last year, in a game Kelly Bryant left, so other than talent level, there’s a lot in Syracuse’s favor.
The Tigers take on the Orange at 12 p.m., with the game being broadcast on ESPN. The spread currently sits at 24 in Clemson’s favor.
Side note: For everybody lobbying for Bryant to head to Tallahassee, think about what you’re asking for. He’s 1-0 vs. Florida State as a starter, 3-0 his whole career. That means Florida State has never won when he’s been involved. Do the math, idiots.
Lookie here! Guess who else decided to move on from their sorta-good-but-not-really senior quarterback!
Malik Rosier got pulled on Miami’s third drive for not being able to do a single darn thing vs. FIU, and N’Kosi Perri lived up to the hype that the general public has heard for the last two years. The redshirt freshman put up three touchdowns and 224 yards, and will have the chance to look even better against garbage ass North Carolina this week. Perrey hasn’t officially been announced as the starter, but he’s been taking first-team snaps this week with all signs pointing to him to start.
The Hurricanes take on the Tar Heels tonight at 8 p.m. on ESPN. The spread is 18, in Miami’s favor.
Florida won big against a rival last week, so the majority of this space is reserved for next week, where we’ll be cracking wise about the Gators losing to a team that got blown out by a team that already beat the Gators, completing a perfect circle of suckatude.
Florida hopefully enjoyed the first part of the schedule, because the next stretch is absolutely brutal: Mississippi State, LSU, Vanderbilt and Georgia are up next, and I gotta be honest, I’d trade them going 3-0 vs. MSU, LSU and Georgia in exchange for a loss to the Commodores. Watching them get blown out by actually good teams should be a good time, but two historically significant losses in one season? Man, wouldn’t that be something.
Florida takes on Mississippi State on Saturday at 6 p.m., the game being broadcast on ESPN. The spread is currently 7.5 in the Bulldog’s favor.
Questions? Comments? Trash talk? Leave ‘em below, and I’ll see y’all at the same time next week.