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The ACC is hereby known as Schrödinger’s Conference — every team is simultaneously winning and losing, and you don’t know which until you measure after 60 minutes. No peeking.
[Horizontal lines indicate tiers, in addition to being horizontal lines]
1. Clemson (8-0, 6-0 ACC) Aggregate Rank: 1; Movement: None
Nothing is more boring than the Tigers. Seriously. Even Tony the Tiger turns the channel.
We have a new tier! These two teams seem to have separated themselves. Mostly because FSU lost to both. For whatever that’s worth (it’s not much — maybe 1,000 bitcoins, or 1 bitcoin, nobody can tell. Or an early Halloween candy wrapper).
2. Virginia (5-3, 3-2 ACC) AR: 2.77; Movement: None
Despite losing to Louisville and their aggregate ranking dipping slightly, it wasn’t enough to knock them from atop their high horse.
3. Wake Forest (6-1, 2-1 ACC) AR: 3.23; Movement: None
Wake had a bye, so I guess if you always look like you want to speak to the manager you get places without having to actually do anything.
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We officially give up and introduce another tier. We are convinced that anyone in this tier can beat anyone else on any given Saturday. Hell, they could probably beat anyone in the above tier too. Or lose to anyone in the below tier.
4. Florida State (4-4, 3-3 ACC) AR: 4.62; Movement: None
After beating some Oranges to a pulp, FSU’s aggregate rank nudged upwards slightly, but not enough to matter. Their game this weekend against Miami means an awful lot.
5. Miami (FL) (4-4, 2-3 ACC) AR: 5.31; Movement: None
FMFFM, always and forever. We swear upon Santa. Also, I (Jon) ranked Miami 9th, the lowest of anyone at TN. By two spots! Everything the ‘Canes do well is due to luck, and everything they do poorly is because they’re a raging dumpster fire. All other arguments are invalid and the language of traitors. Also, why does Sebastian do this? It looks like it would hurt.
6. North Carolina (4-4, 3-2 ACC) AR: 6; Movement: None
Last week, UNC played Duke. This week, it’s got Virginia. All the smug.
7. Pitt (5-3, 2-2 ACC) AR: 6.62; Movement: None
The ACC’s resident bipolar team is at least consistent at being inconsistent. But this week’s Pitt on Pitt GIF takes a downturn after the Panthers lost to Miami at home.
8. Louisville (5-3, 3-2 ACC) AR: 7.15; Movement: None
The Cards are bye and
9. Duke (4-4, 2-3 ACC) AR: 8.92; Movement: None
Nobody exists on purpose. Nobody belongs anywhere. We’re all gonna die. We believe in nothing. Come watch some Duke football?
Welcome to the “Meh” Tier, where all your dreams come to do whatever, nobody cares.
10. NC State (4-3, 1-2 ACC) AR: 10.38; Movement: None
Howl? More like a yawn.
11. Virginia Polytechnic Institute and State University (5-2, 2-2 ACC) AR: 11.23; Movement: Up two
Leap-frogged two teams without even playing? That’s not blue-collar, that’s just lazy. Buy a new lunchbox already.
12. Syracuse (3-5, 0-4 ACC) AR: 11.85; Movement: Down one
When you think about Syracuse’s season last year, it’s not so much a fall from grace as it is a meteor shower.
13. Boston College (4-4, 2-3 ACC) AR: 12; Movement: Down one
Their aggregate slid, but not enough to de-throne the mighty Ramblin’ Wreck of A Program.
14. Georgia Tech (2-5, 1-3 ACC) AR: 13.9; Movement: None
It’s no longer unanimous! One of us has Georgia Tech as NOT the worst team in the league. It’s not me. Congrats, downtown Atlanta nerds.
Honorable Mention: Wofford
Wofford is a Carolina school that’s gonna get worked by Clemson this weekend. So they may as well be in the ACC.