Florida State football hate guide: Let’s be thankful for the Gators instead

I know your initial thoughts from the second you saw this headline, and don’t worry, I won’t waste your time doing the terrible writer schtick where I write what your thoughts were in italics. (Though I guess, by the time you finished reading that sentence and then also one, I’ve probably wasted an equivalent amount of your time. Fate, in the end, can’t be altered.)

There are a ridiculous amount of reasons to dislike the University of Florida as an athletic program, institute of higher learning, record label and Mullen-funded crew. I won’t shy away from the fact that I grew up a fan, one of the many childhood traumas my dad inflicted on me, but I also won’t shy away from the fact that I became disgusted with the city of Gainesville the second I visited it the first time as a functioning adult (though, shout out to that time being a $15 J. Cole, Wale and B.o.B. (listen, it was 2011) (am I allowed to do parentheses inside of parentheses or did I just break something) concert at the O’Donnell Center). It’s a stinky, stinky city, built like it was designed by a thousand people controlling a single Sim City game on Twitch,

But, stinkiness and endless reasons to dislike and ridicule the city and school aside, there’s also a few things to be grateful for, at least on Florida State’s end. A constant reminder of, “hey, things could always be worse,” when measuring how far a program can fall in the aftermath of a short burst of success, for example. Florida’s also done FSU a huge solid and, other than a Peach Bowl win last year, not won anything significant since its 2008 title, running through three coaches since and ending up with one who, so far, has failed to take advantage of a state where the big names are so hard on the downswing Orlando thinks it can be a football city.

It’s just a real solid look from the lizards making the down years a bit easier when there’s no worry whatsoever about a main rival having a shot at doing anything worthwhile. Really, it makes them the bigger school, since when the tables were turned and Florida had its worst season in almost 40 years, FSU did the jerk thing and won a national title instead.

So, instead of being bitter this year during the game, be grateful that even if Florida pulls off a big win, it’s probably still going to get shuffled off to a mid-tier bowl in favor of SEC playoff also-rans, out of the kindness of its heart.

Feel free to share y’all’s favorite reasons to be appreciative for the folks in Hogtown.