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Scorebored watching: A serious analysis of how FSU opponents fared in week three

Tim Tebow 2.0 to the rescue?

NCAA Football: Tennessee at Florida
TEMU Tim Tebow
Matt Pendleton-USA TODAY Sports

We’re baaaaack just like the U with another hard-hitting, freshman filled (maybe?), lazy review of opponent box scores from the week that was. If you’re new here, each week we’ll update you on the most recent results of Florida State’s 2023 scheduled opponents.

Without further delay, let’s get lazy.

LSU ties FSU in SEC win total for the year after 41-14 win over Mississippi State

In their defense, it was their first conference game of the year. But don’t let that distract you from the fact that FSU is also 1-0 in the SEC this year.

LSU record: 2-1

Southern Miss is smothered by Tulane 21-3

The Green Wave held the Golden Eagles to just a field goal. Southern Miss only generated 202 total yards in the loss. Forget Jeff Hafley, maybe FSU should trade for the Tulane defensive coordinator. Checks Ole Miss/Tulane score… Just kidding.

Southern Miss record: 1-2

Boston College penalized to historical degree in loss to Florida State, 31-29

The Eagles set a school record in penalties, including a game-ending face mask (the 18 penalties also tied a Florida State record for amount committed by opponent). We would have also accepted Boston College runs wild in loss to Seminoles.

Boston College record: 1-2

Clemson tunes up against FAU, 48-14

The Tigers jumped out to a 34-0 halftime lead before coasting into an easy win. Scheduling a vastly inferior opponent before your biggest game of the year… what a novel thought.

Clemson record: 2-1

Virginia Tech falters in the fourth, falls to Rutgers 35-16

The Hokies gave up 14 in the fourth quarter to drop their second game of the year. With the step up in competition each week, the Hokies have allowed more and more points. Maybe Marshall will give them a break in week four.

Virginia Tech record: 1-2

Syracuse grounds out win over Purdue, 35-20

The Orange scored five touchdowns on the ground, including four by quarterback Garrett Shrader. Shield your eyes Seminole fans, another running quarterback is in your future.

Syracuse record: 3-0

Duke *insert basketball term* Northwestern in 38-14

Presses? Dribbles past? Throws it down? Hook shots? Pick your favorite as Duke continues their march towards the ACC championship.

Duke record: 3-0

Wake Forest takes their time in 27-24 win over Old Dominio

The Demon Deacons go at their own pace on the field and in this case, scoring points. Wake drops 14 in the fourth to pull out the win over the Monarchs.

Wake Forest record: 3-0

Panthers fall in Backyard Brawl, 17-6

Pittsburgh has not lived up the hype so far this season with their second straight loss, this time to West Virginia. Quarterback Phil Jurkovec continues his struggles with a brutal stat line of 8/20 for 81 yards and three interceptions. Yikes

Pitt record: 1-2

Miami crushes Bethune-Cookman 48-7

This one was close for all of four minutes. The Hurricanes scored early and often in the first half before snoozing through the second. But it was not all good news for Miami as famed Hurricane, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, was seen on Colorado’s sidelines. This after Michael Irvin was on the Buff sidelines the week before. Who’s next? Sebastian the Ibis?

Miami record: 3-0

North Alabama takes out Tennessee Tech, 20-7

Lions’ (that’s North Alabama) quarterback Noah Walters does his best Phil Jurkovec impersonation, going 7-13 for 55 yards and two picks. But hey, they actually won.

North Alabama record: 2-2

Florida does what it always does at home, beats Tennessee 29-16

For the 10th straight time in the Swamp, the Gators disposed of the Volunteers, this time led by TEMU Tim Tebow. But the real highlight was the near boxing match that broke out after the game, with helmets still being worn! Sadly, the fight fizzled out… just like another Tennessee season.

Florida record: 2-1