We interrupt our coverage of Jimbogate 2017 to bring you the following discussion of an actual football game that’s happening on Saturday.
Juan Montalvo III:
I always go first. Just like Jimbo taking a twin turboprop to Texas, the Noles won’t be burdened by much weight and will take off against ULM. The Birds of War stand no chance against Odell’s crew. 41-20, ’Noles.
Jimbo doesn’t coach. ’Noles win.
I also don’t want Jimbo on the sidelines Saturday. Cam rushes for 200 yards, Jacques adds another 100, James Blackman throws two TDs, and the sparsely populated student section starts a “We don’t need you Jimbo!” chant en route to a ’Noles win.
FSU plays inspired football in Jimbo’s final game. On the field, the Fisher era closes with a 37-23 victory behind a strong running attack and three Aguayo FGs (RIP sweet Turntle). The Chiefs serenade the postgame festivities with Green Day’s “Good Riddance.” Thanks for everything Jimbo; I hope you had the time of your life.
FSU is gonna beat Miami’s ass in Charlotte. The No. 1 ranked Seminoles will roll into Charlotte ready to finish off the undefeated season. Behind the high-powered, up-tempo Jimbo Fisher offense and suffocating Charles Kelly defense, FSU won’t be stopped. Jimbo has this team playing with that 2013 SWAG, and it will be beautiful. Wait....what’s happening? Oh. Whoops. FSU 47, ULM 24.
I forgot to make a prediction during Syracuse week, and then FSU won. Since the last time I wrote a prediction, FSU has gone 2-1. What that means for this game is absolutely nothing, but I’ll still take the blame if they take an L this weekend. Consider it a parting gift to Mr. John James.
I’ve got a feeling that the young kids on the team will still feel a need to come out and perform on Saturday, and I’d like to think that those leaving for the draft and/or graduating would appreciate the gravity of what’s at stake Saturday: absolute, unlimited jokes at the hand of the internet for rescheduling this game and then losing it, on top of literally everything else that’s happened this season.
Gimme two touchdowns by Cam “Running for the Equivalent of Four” Akers, a nice, steady game from James “I Ain’t No Baby, I’m A Man” Blackman, a pick-six from Derwin James, and a bunch of hilarious mistakes that make the game way closer than it should be.
FSU 27, ULM 19
I’m just here so I don’t get fined.
The long, regular season finally comes to an end. This will probably be a bit of a shootout. ULM has a great offense but a bad defense. Hopefully, FSU pulls it out and continues the bowl streak. Might be a Cam kind of day.
ULM can score a lot of points, which might keep it close. What makes the difference down the stretch is the Warhawks’ bad defense, which has allowed 40.6 points per game against a Sun Belt slate. Even FSU’s inconsistent offense finds ease moving the ball, especially as the game carries on, and the Seminoles win behind a big day from Akers.
HEY THERE ’NOLES
WATCH OUT MY FRIENDS
I’M (INTERIM HEAD COACH) ODELL HAGGINS
I’M HERE TO WIN
You want to know who personifies complete loyalty to the FSU football program? Look no further than interim head coach Odell Haggins roaming the sidelines on Saturday. If anyone deserves to serve as an interim head coach of THE Florida State University Seminoles, it’s him. Let him lead our beloved ’Noles to victory and keep the bowl streak alive. Besides, I just can’t fathom Jimbo being allowed to coach this game.
As for the game itself, the outcome will depend on whether the ’Noles have checked out or allowed the distractions this week to overtake game prep. ULM scores a lot of points and hung close with Auburn for three quarters a few weeks ago in that trap game. While I think this game might be closer than people anticipate (I don’t think the ’Noles will cover that ridiculous spread), I do like FSU pulling away in the second half to win comfortably, led by Cam hitting pay dirt at least twice. A game that was mostly an afterthought against an inferior opponent at the beginning of the year will now likely close out the Jimbo Fisher era at Florida State.
Noles 44, ULM 24.
Either FSU is going to bow up and win by 45, or mail it in and lose by 3. Split the diff, give me FSU 41, ULM 20.
I honestly don’t know much about ULM. But hey, can’t exactly tell you a lot about FSU right now either. People thought the Gators were gonna lose to UAB (I was one). UF smoked them because the talent advantage was way too much. The Gators also had an interim coach? Um. Sure. So whatever is happening in Tallahassee on Saturday, talent wins. FSU 38 ULM 22
Just your typical FSU game being played with a head coach on the way out on Championship Saturday against a Louisiana-Monroe team, one that was rescheduled due to a hurricane and wouldn’t have existed if the Seminoles weren’t 5-6. Pretty standard, right?
ULM’s defense sucks worse than Jimbo Fisher’s poker face, but its offense can light up the scoreboard like our page-views this week.
ULM 23, FSU 40
Be sure to check out the Nolecast for picks from our Bud Elliott and Ingram Smith.