We’re very fortunate to have the SB Nation network of team sites to work with during game weeks. However, this week due to the holiday time constraints we were unable to link up with Alligator Army, SBNation’s blog for the Florida Gators. Juan’s baby was also unavailable. Ugh, tiny new people are so selfish. So this week I’m having fun talking to myself with a fake Gator blog I made up, in between unhealthy episodes of gluttony. I’ll ask the questions here, and also answer them how I think a reasonable Gator fan would answer them (if such a thing exists).
TN: Kyle Trask took over for the injured Feleipe Franks earlier this season after Franks suffered a devastating injury and appears to have outplayed him, at least in terms of efficiency and touchdowns to interceptions — by quite a bit, depending on who you ask. How come Dan Mullen can’t evaluate his own players?
Fake Gator Blog: Well you see handsome sir, Mullen is a doofus and the corniest coach in America. There’s no doubt he can coach but there are just some things that he can’t grasp, like a robot trying to learn social skills. The secret is that Trask was probably better than Franks last year too and he played Franks for the sake of seniority.
TN: Do you realize that orange and blue is the worst color combination ever created? And you call yourselves the ‘Harvard of the South’? Have you no shame? You do know that when you have to call yourselves that it’s not true, right?
FGB: Well, we thought it sounded good but we may have overstepped a bit. It’s all about the brand. Also, we might be color blind. Are there going to be any football related questions?
TN: Here’s a football question for you. The University of Florida had a half-century head start in football and yet Florida State won a national title before the Gators. How embarrassing is that?
FGB: Ugh, we call you guys ‘little brother’ and it’s true but only in the literal sense of our program being older. In terms of quality and being cool and having trophy hardware you guys will always lead by example.
TN: The Gators are ninth in SP+, with an offense ranked 19th and a defense 9th. They’re also a respectable 9-2, but those two losses have come against the two best teams they’ve played in LSU and Georgia. That means the Gators will again miss out on the SEC Championship Game. How does that feel?
FGB: It hurts bad, but Mullen has the Gators steered in the right direction and they will compete for national titles soon. What’s your record again? How’s Willie Taggart doing?
TN: That’s a low blow. We’re getting Big Game Bob! Or Matt Campbell! Or someone else! And we’re 4-Odell! Also you won’t compete for titles if Mullen can’t recruit.
TN: All of a sudden I hate this conversation.
FGB: Well, you’re talking to yourself, sooo....
TN: Shut up. The last time Florida beat FSU in the Swamp was 2009. We own the Swamp. And the ’Noles have won seven of the last nine in the series. How will the Gators slow down FSU’s explosive offense?
FGB: Well, you can’t win if you can’t score, and UF’s defense is better than FSU’s offense. They might hit a big play or two with Tamorrion Terry, but FSU is 18-point underdogs tomorrow for a reason. I think the Gators win 33-13.
TN: I think they do too but at least FSU is going bowling this season. Baby steps, my friend.
FGB: That’s exactly what a little brother would say.
TN: I hate you.
FGB: The feeling’s mutual.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone! Thank you for reading. Be safe and enjoy your holiday. Don’t forget to check out Alligator Army for your Gator coverage needs.