FSU’s week 3 opponent: Why you should (kinda) hate UVA

Okay, a quick disclaimer, since everyone seemed to lose their collective minds last week: this is not about real hate, okay? I didn’t hate ULM then, nor do I hate Virginia now. I received emails, Facebook comments, and Twitter responses from the Louisiana-Monroe hate piece.

Which, again, was never legitimately about hate. For those of you needing further clarification, this was always intended as a tongue-in-cheek series, one more intended to point out the minutiae of opposing schools.

So can we all just take a deep breath, while I explain why you should harness every ounce of vitriol in your thorax to despise the University of Virginia— see how it’s done?

Okay, this is tough. As someone with multiple English degrees and an emphasis in 19th-century American Literature, I just can’t really go in on Edgar Allan Poe. Or another great writer and UVA-product, Tina Fey.

This is rough. Which, actually, makes it easy. UVA sucks because, unlike FSU, it doesn’t have to claim Scott Stapp, of Creed.

Wait.

That’s it.

Dave. Matthews. Band.

DMB originated in Charlottesville, VA. And that’s enough.

I cut my stupid fraternal teeth in Tallahassee in the late 90s, and as a result, I was inundated with a steady stream of Dave Matthews Band. “Crash” is Harvey Weinstein before Harvey Weinstein, and most of the rest of that catalogue was just lazy 3 am fodder for those unaware of Barenaked Ladies’ genius (seriously, checkout their Live Rock Spectacle album)

Do I still kinda dig DMB? Yeah. And so do you. You listen to it, But the point is, there were also better bands to hear, that DMB just got in the way of. And since they got their start at UVA, we can always blame them for that, just like Creed in Tallahassee.

I can do this all season, kids.