Yes, in the terrible, fictional world we have created, the Miami Dolphins are Super Bowl champions. I hope everybody who voted in the poll can sleep guilt-free tonight.
If you’d like to see a peek behind the curtains on our process, here’s our full draft, along with a brief excerpt from that day’s chat log:
Jon Marchant: I can’t wait for the bengals to take cam akers no.1 overall, first rb since...(checks notes) Ki-Jana Carter in 1995!
CoachAB: NY Giants are on the clock. Trade offers being accepted. Who wants Tua more than Miami?
NoleThruandThru: None of my teams
Jon Marchant: daniel jones sucks, giants should take a qb. but they’re cowards
CoachAB: Lol somebody has to want Tua or Herbert
Brett Nevitt: Does anyone want 6th pick
Jon Marchant: you don’t want a QB?
Brett Nevitt: I don’t want one at 6. I don’t think any of them are good enough
NoleThruandThru: Trade with the Pats or saints!
Brett Nevitt: Going to swap the Bucs and chargers picks. And add in a uhh
CoachAB: Needs to be a realistic deal
Jon Marchant: going up from 14 to 6 is big. what do the bucs give up for that?
Brett Nevitt: Can i do Bucs 1, 2, 5? Pretty sure that adds up to 1600 pick value. Or 1, 2, 4?
CoachAB: 1,2,4 works, if that’s what you want to do
CoachAB (11:29 AM): @perrykos is up with the Jags
CoachAB (1:25 PM) :@perrykos you up buddy?
perrykos (1:31 p.m.): Oh wait sorry, I thought we were doing 2 today
WITH THE NINTH PICK IN THE 2020 TOMAHAWK NATION UNOFFICIAL OFFICIAL NFL DRAFT THE JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS SELECT Javon Kinlaw
Brett Nevitt: off my draft board
Wisconsin’s Zach Baun, the third-rated linebacker on Mel Kiper Jr.’s board, notified all 32 teams that he testified positive for a diluted sample at the combine that he blamed on drinking too much water for weight-related weigh-in purposes, per league sources.— Adam Schefter (@AdamSchefter) April 14, 2020
CoachAB: My people already knew that
Brett Nevitt: The TB-LA-NE Bucs-Chargers-Patriots organization does not tolerate drugs
Brett Nevitt: patriots may trade up here
CoachAB: Brett loves to deal with himself
Brett Nevitt: Facts. dealing with a great guy. does the patriots first rounder and their second third work
Brett Nevitt: the patriots trade up and select…..ceedee lamb
Perry Kostidakis: great target for jameis
NoleThruandThru: Broncos continue the run on WRs and select Justin Jefferson
NoleThruandThru: CoachAB may not make it to the second round
CoachAB: I can not believe what just happened
Lastnoleofkrypton: If this happens next thursday I will throw the hissiest of fits
Brett Nevitt: can we do some sort of draft every day? this is the biggest adrenaline rush ive had in quarantine besides playing my mom in ping pong
NoleThruandThru: @perrykos the lions have a trade offer for the jags
Perry Kostidakis: the superior big cat of the wild is listening
NoleThruandThru: Lions offer a 2nd (37 overall) and a 3rd (87 overall) for Yannick
Perry Kostidakis: the jagwars have accepted detroit’s trade offer
NoleThruandThru: Thank you! As an act of goodwill, Detroit will also send Matt patricias beard
Perry Kostidakis: matt patricia’s beard will be displayed on a wooden stick outside as a warning to others
Jon Marchant: Saints only have Brees for one more year and no Teddy now
Austin DeWitt: But Taysom, Jon
Perry Kostidakis: I forgot about future planning for the saints, those stupid idiots
Austin DeWitt: I’m fine with you ruining the Saints’ future, Perry.
Jon Marchant: Me too. Feleipe Franks is still on the Board. Don’t be a coward
Perry Kostidakis: Jon you make these jokes and then karma is gonna have licht draft him as brady’s heir apparent
Perry Kostidakis: After Brett trades his pick to Brett, Brett is up
CoachAB: Bill’s never moved up so much in all his drafts combined
Brett Nevitt: bill trying new things this year
Perry Kostidakis: just got out of a long term relationship. He might get an earring. A droptop, possibly
NoleThruandThru: HE MIGHT START WEARING SLEEVES
Perry Kostidakis: Okay I know this is all a joke but seriously let’s keep it at least moderately serious
He will never wear sleeves.
CoachAB: The fact Jordan Love is still available is unrealistic
Perry Kostidakis: Yeah it’s nuts. No running backs in the first round is believable tho
NoleThruandThru: Yeah this definitely isn’t accurate lol
Perry Kostidakis: Idk, I think it’s realistic the Bucs trade a pic to the chargers to the patriots.